A few weeks ago I made a prediction that Pirates 3 would be one of the “sleeper” blockbusters of the summer season. I still stand by that statement as it is making money hand over fist in both the international and domestic realms, however, all of my other predictions about this movie…….may not have been on-base as what I thought. Read after the jump for the full review.

Let me start this off by saying I absolutely adored the first two Pirates movies. They had just the right blend of comedy, charm and plot mixed together to keep it engaging and let the actors do what they do best, such as Johnny Depp being an off-the-wall character, Orlando Bloom brandishing a sword (really, is there anything else the guy CAN do?), and Keira Knightley, well, looking as gorgeous as Keira Knightley does. Pirates 3 had a chance to really turn in something special with this conclusion to the original trilogy before they departed on other roads, but I felt somewhat cheated, even after sitting through a nearly 3 hour movie.

Things The Movie Did Well

1. Geoffrey Rush - Captain Barbossa: At the end of Pirates 2, we were treated to knowing that my favorite character of the franchise, Geoffrey Rush as the treacherous Captain Barbossa, would go to World’s End to help bring back Captain Jack Sparrow. For his part in the movie, Rush did an exemplary job. He brought his character back the way he should have been brought back, ultimately always looking for the upper-hand, trying to doublecross Jack, Will, Elizabeth, whoever got in his way. He performed that role flawlessly, and bringing him back brought a fresh new dimension to the third film.

2. Orlando Bloom - Will Turner: Even though I am critical of him in my opening remarks, I do have to give credit where credit is due, as Bloom turned in his best performance since he played Legolas in the LOTR trilogies, mixing in a bit of humor, treachery and actual emotion into a role I thought he was too predictable in. He proved me wrong and stepped up to the plate in the final chapter, hopefully he can take that momentum to whatever project he takes on next.

3. Bill NIghy - Davy Jones: Without a doubt the greatest reason to see Pirates 2, Bill Nighy is the greatest reason to see Pirates 3. He continues the torrid look at his Davy Jones character and pulls it off flawlessly. I thought I had the ending of this movie pegged, and it was Davy Jones that completely threw me off, doing an impressive job with a character which had to be most difficult in playing. If you see this movie for no other reason, see it for Davy Jones.

Things It Didn’t Do Well

1. Chow Yun Fat - Sao Feng: There wasn’t much written for Chow Yun Fat in this version, and he didn’t add much at all to what he did have. I was thoroughly underwhelmed by his performance, as the only reason he really was even in the story, was to provide Keira Knightley’s character with a particularly peculiar (though important) plot twist. I can’t help but think Ken Watanabe would have been a much better choice, as this cast choice fell completely flat.

2. Keira Knightley - Elizabeth Swann: I say this broken-hearted, as I am a huge Keira Knightley fan and really believed she could turn in a dynamic performance in this last chapter. Sadly, I wasn’t that impressed with it. It seems she must have gotten herself confused with Natalie Portman, because it was the most wooden-acting performance I’ve seen since any of the Star Wars prequels. She had multiple chances to really take control of a scene emotionally, and it either seemed far too forced, or that she wasn’t really interested in the scene. Perhaps that is a problem with playing a character too much, that you get bored with it, but with as much screen-time as she received, she could have been much better. She still looks great though, so that’s a bonus.

3. Johnny Depp - Captain Jack Sparrow: Let me say that I fell in love with the franchise specifically BECAUSE of Captain Jack’s performances in the previous two versions, along with Geoffrey Rush. I probably watched the original Pirates every week for a good 3 months once the DVD came out. That said, the writers completely failed Depp in this version. Everything that made Jack charming and witty was thrown out the window to make him look like a moronic madman, and to that effect, they accomplished it, if that was truly what they were going for. Several of the scenes in the film depict Sparrow arguing with 4 to 5 versions of himself, and these scenes are tortuous to watch. There is nothing engaging about these scenes, there is nothing witty, nothing funny, nothing even remotely character-revealing, other than showing what its like to have an idiot debate with himself repeatedly. Depp deserved better, and with the clout he has, I’m surprised he didn’t push hard for a re-write of these abominable scenes.

4. The Will Turner - Elizabeth Swann Love Story: I was glad to see the resolution of this, and the very ending of it was perfectly done. I cannot stress that enough. But everything leading up to it was comparable to watching a slow-motion car crash. You know it’s going to be bad, you know it’s going to hurt, and you can’t do anything to stop it. The most laughable and implausible scene in the whole movie (and this is a spoiler, so skip this if you don’t want any) is the final battle where Will and Elizabeth get married by Barbossa on the Flying Dutchman. As you see in the trailer where she says, “I don’t think now is the best time”, you can’t help but wonder, in what world does this happen? It could have been done better, and in the dynamic where Bloom does an outstanding job and Knightley doesn’t throughout the movie, just made this part of the story fall flat, which is a shame, because it could have really made the movie that much better.

5. Consistency Among Movies: This part REALLY bugged me. As we all know, part of Will Turner’s conflict is he’s trying to save his father. That said, he has no problems remembering and talking to Will or Jack Sparrow whether he’s aboard the Dutchman, or sent on his errand boy duties by Davy Jones. In several scenes throughout the movie, his character completely forgets that he’s met Will, Jack, and in one particular instance, Elizabeth repeatedly. It irritated me to no end, because he had zero problems with that in Pirates 2. Is it too much to ask for this particularly crucial detail to be remembered?

6. The Voodoo Factor: This is a huge spoiler, so don’t read this if you don’t want to know about this particular aspect. Basically the voodoo woman in the movie is the Sea Goddess Calypso, encased in human form. While I have zero problems with this, or even how she’s released, which was impressive visually, what I do have a problem with is her not having an overtly announced presence through the rest of the movie, particularly in regards to Davy Jones. I’m a big fan of closure of characters, and since these two most likely won’t be back, it would be nice to get some final closure there. A rather big part of the story to focus on, then not resolve completely.

Final Thoughts

I’m glad I saw this movie, but I wish I had waited til the DVD release, where I could watch it in my home, because it just didn’t do much for me in the theater. It’s a decent movie, not an A-Movie, but maybe a weak B-movie, and one that you could definitely take the kids to. It didn’t live up to the hype or the promise it had based on the previous two movies, but it is an impressive visual piece, so if you like special effects, see it for that reason, or if you like action, see it for that reason. If you want a great cinematic experience like the first two, then, well, I’d hold off until you can rent it.

Overall Grade: 7.5 out of 10